For years, I've harbored a sneaking suspicion that many guys belong to some unknown race of. . . . hmmmmm. . .mountain trolls? I was reminded of this a few hours ago as I noticed my brother chomping down two corn dogs. "Um. . .aren't we going out to eat in a few minutes?" I asked. "Uh, yeah, this is just my lunch." He explained without a moment's hesitation. Chomp, chomp, chomp. Hmmmm. . . . . You may have noticed unusual things like this as well. They answer in grunts and use as few words as possible in a sentence. They like shiny things like cars and pretty things like girls. They get a huge enjoyment out of running around and hitting each other.
A few weeks ago, I uncovered a huge herd (gaggle, sleuth, pack?) that had assembled right in my midst. There I am sitting in church when the first speaker begins to introduce himself. He smiles a dashing smile and then chuckles. "I just wanted to share a little about myself." He grins. "You may all know that the guys in the ward just had their Christmas dinner." Grin, grin, wink, wink. "Well for our dinner it is tradition that we always go to an all you can eat meat restaurant." All of the mountain trolls, I mean guys in the ward, begin to rub their bellies in delight. He continues "Well this year was no exception. And according to our great tradition we all weighed ourselves before entering our deluxe buffet." All of the guys are now salivating at the mouth remembering the moment. "And then after our glorious feasting of pigs and cows we weighed ourselves again." The guys in the audience are rubbing their bellies again. (Which strangely look much larger.) He smiles another dashing grin. "Well this year a new feasting champion was born and that champion was me." The guys are transfixed with their new champion and leader. "After stepping back on the scale, I the fearless mountain troll gained eight pounds." (Okay, maybe he didn't actually say mountain troll, but it was implied.) The guys quietly fist bump each other in celebration and mutter their pitiful poundage compared to the chief mountain troll. And, of course all of the girls in the audience are nauseous. Eight pounds? Seriously, eight pounds. In shocking story telling fashion, I shared this story with a guy. When I finished, he grunted. Enough said.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Once again the most wonderful time of the year has rolled around again. That's right, it is the second week of December, and I am officially off track. Never in all of the off tracks of off tracks, have I ever been so excited for an off track. I think I might have cried, if I wasn't so exhausted.
On Monday, I woke up at 6 am looked out the window, saw the snow falling, heard the wind blowing and smiled, yes I smiled with the happiness of every B track teacher. There would be no shivering on bus duty, no rowdy inside recess, no flying snowballs at kids' heads, or children skating on the ice to their doom. Nope, I just curled up in my little bed, smiled and went right back to sleep. It is one of the little things that makes this the most wonderful time of the year. However, being off track is not the only reason for such happiness. It’s that happy, hopeful, feeling that fills the air at Christmas. Somehow everything looks brighter and better during Christmas time. It’s the smile on the meanest teacher's face at the Christmas party. (One of the few I have ever seen.) It's breaking out into Christmas song every time you turn on the radio. It’s twinkling lights that make the snow seem sparklier. It's the mandatory eating of yummy food wherever you go. It’s people wearing clothes with elves, reindeer, and snowmen on them. It’s being with your family and friends. It’s happily giving to others. It's spending much more time thinking about others and much less time thinking about yourself. It's counting your blessings. It's the birth of the Savior, who gave us the greatest gift. Yes, it is the most wonderful time of the year.
On Monday, I woke up at 6 am looked out the window, saw the snow falling, heard the wind blowing and smiled, yes I smiled with the happiness of every B track teacher. There would be no shivering on bus duty, no rowdy inside recess, no flying snowballs at kids' heads, or children skating on the ice to their doom. Nope, I just curled up in my little bed, smiled and went right back to sleep. It is one of the little things that makes this the most wonderful time of the year. However, being off track is not the only reason for such happiness. It’s that happy, hopeful, feeling that fills the air at Christmas. Somehow everything looks brighter and better during Christmas time. It’s the smile on the meanest teacher's face at the Christmas party. (One of the few I have ever seen.) It's breaking out into Christmas song every time you turn on the radio. It’s twinkling lights that make the snow seem sparklier. It's the mandatory eating of yummy food wherever you go. It’s people wearing clothes with elves, reindeer, and snowmen on them. It’s being with your family and friends. It’s happily giving to others. It's spending much more time thinking about others and much less time thinking about yourself. It's counting your blessings. It's the birth of the Savior, who gave us the greatest gift. Yes, it is the most wonderful time of the year.
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